Carbon Cravings + Brain Hardware + Really Deep Space + The White Duke

Vacations are beautiful things. I know a lot of people who highly anticipate them, roil in their presence, then mourn going. For me they roll in with an amazing amount of anxiety around the disruption of my regular rhythm, then settle in to a calm comfort of disconnection, and finally fade away with the glow of a sunset and a book of memories. This year Liz and I sent our kids to sleep away camp for the first time ever, and stacked two weeks with a succession of experiences. We sprinted off to Europe for a week, came back stateside to spend a week on our own, brought the kids back in for a solo parenting stretch, then reunited everyone to kick off our annual summer month in rural Virginia. 

Having these four phases -- family time, couple's retreat, individual adventure, solo parenting, then back to full family time -- gave me a great way to experience each piece of who I am in my personal life in immediate succession. It was an enlightening way to step back and see the whole puzzle in each of its pieces. Each week was a way to reflect on how I come together, and to reimagine the parts of my life that I can blend together. 

Here's what else I spent the vacation:

Reading - Bill Gates released his summer reading recommendations and of the five books mentioned I picked up How the World Really Works: A Scientist’s Guide to Our Past, Present and Future by Vaclav Smil. The book is a narrative walk through a numerical argument around how deep our carbon addiction really is. Smil makes compelling arguments that simply focusing on EVs and solar power for our homes isn't enough to significantly dent, much less erase our environmental impact. He shows how almost every part of modern life, from food production and worldwide distribution, to modern building and civilization development are more deeply rooted in carbon consumption that most people imagine. If you've read and enjoyed Yuval Noah Harari's books, especially Sapiens, you may dig Smil as well. 

(I also nabbed Why We're Polarized by journalist Ezra Klein on Audible -- it's fascinating if you're curious about our the roots and reasons for our current political divide.)

Listening to - One of my favorite podcasts just years came to an end. Kara Swisher's Sway had an incredible two year run of asking tough questions to powerful people. Since exiting the booth in June Sway has been re-airing some of Swisher's favorite episodes including a 2020 interview with Elon Musk. They discuss Tesla and SpaceX of course, but I found the snippet of conversation around Neuralink especially interesting. It's one of Musk's lessor known ventures that's aimed at understanding brain science and creating an integration between technology and human hardware. The initial goals of tackling challenges such as seizures and paralysis are interesting, but the ideas Musk floats around AI's progress and humanity's limitation around speed of communication are especially fascinating. It's worth the listen. 

Admiring - This week NASA released the first images from the James Webb Space Telescope. Launched at Christmas 2021, the JWST is powerful enough to see the earliest moments of the universe's existence. The photos shared this week show clusters of galaxies four billion light years away. The images are simply breathtaking. 

Weekly gig - I've been listened to a lot of David Bowie the last few weeks. He was a musical genius who was able to reinvent, express himself, and remain relevant over five decades. It's not a greatest hit's show, but here's a show from Montreaux in July of 2002. It's a stellar setlist and it's crazy to think that this happened twenty years ago this week. 

Have a clear eyed, forward thinking, awe inspiring week.

Potatoes or Eggs + Ozark Lessons + Inherent Value + Phish + Sentient AI bonus

It's said that having children decreases overall happiness but increases joy; that's a pretty deflating statement at first glance. But when we think about what life truly is - a series of moments and emotions to be fully experienced - would leading a happy life really give us all of what we want? Without the challenges overcome, the disappointments weathered, can the results achieved or the dreams fulfilled really be appreciated? Should our aim just be to increase happiness? Or should we aim to joyously experience it all?

It's also said that happiness is experienced on the way to fulfillment. My experience is that there's no bigger, more fulfilling role than being a parent. So maybe the frequency of happiness decreases with kids, (heck...having kids means we generally sacrifice doing exactly what we want to do so that we can do what they need to be done) but I'd wager a bet that the amplitude of our experience increases. Maybe getting to see each of those peaks is what delivers a fulfilling life, and if we pay attention along the way we get happiness as a byproduct.

Here's what else the last week had me:

Reading - Atomic Habits by James Clear is a highly lauded book about building small positive changes to reach one's full potential. The simplicity of the idea and the models offered are very worthy of the book's near unanimous praise. Along the read I found some unexpected ideas beyond just habit building. One in particular is that input, environment, and outcome are all interrelated; they must be considered together in achieving what we want. Clear uses a great analogy to express this. He writes, "Boiling water will soften a potato but harden an egg. You can't control whether you’re a potato or egg, but you can decide to play a game where it’s better to be hard or soft." By knowing who you are and what you want, you can decide if the environment you're in will help you progress.

Watching - The Netflix show Ozark has been my chosen stream of late. I'm only about half way through Season One, but the complexity of the plot lines, fragile depth of relationships, and dark underbelly content is engrossing. It's yet another prime example of how modern entertainment has perfected the protagonist who is a deeply flawed character. The thing that keeps me coming back is my admiration for how Jason Bateman’s character, Marty Byrd, seems unflappable in the most dire of all situations. When most any other character would freeze, he is able to escape by deftly thinking on his feet. By no means is Marty a role model, but he’s an inspiration for creative problem solving.

Thinking - my friend Mike posed a great question to a group of colleagues last week. He asked, “what’s the difference between self-confidence and self-esteem?” I think the two are linked, but they are fundamentally different. Self-confidence is rooted in the belief that one can do something. It’s saying, “challenge me, I have the skill to..”. It’s built through experience and practice. Self-esteem is an inner belief about our worth. It’s a reflection on what we feel we deserve. Self-esteem is saying “I am worthy...of respect, or success, or a great marriage, or...simply because I am.” Self confidence and self esteem are both are incredibly important to maximizing who we become, but only one is fundamental to our human existence. Every person is worthy of whatever they want, simply by the beating of their heart. Our mission is to act in accordance with the values required to fulfill our dreams.

Weekly gig - a heartwarming tweet that lead to this clip inspires this week’s gig. I saw scores of Phish shows in my twenties, but haven’t had them in my musical rotation in quite some time. Here’s a show from their 1997 winter European tour that many still rank among the best of all time.

Have a joyful, creative week. You deserve it.


P.S. - since I missed posting last week, I can't sign off with out mentioning sentient AI. The debate around Google's LaMDA (Language Model for Dialogue Applications) was enthralling. If you missed it, check out The Washington Post's blockbuster story about a Google programmer's belief that a sentient computer has been created, as well as the responding Opinion piece by two leading AI ethicists who say that this is simply human personification of a very advanced program.

Toxic People + Tough Topics + Imposters + Everyday People

Short work weeks -- or extended weekends, however you want to look at them -- always throw me for a loop, so I'm glad to be back on the typical M-F/S/S cadence. This week's return to a standard rhythm of life got me thinking a lot about the simple privileges that can easily be taken for granted, maybe even go unrealized if we don't intentionally reflect upon them. 

The word privilege always reminds me of a story song by Utah Phillips and Annie DiFranco. There's a great line that talks about how pacifism isn't just giving up "guns and knives and clubs and fists and angry words, but giving up the weapons of privilege and going into the world completely disarmed." I'm trying to disarm myself from a lot of late -- of impatience and expectations in particular -- and to replace those privileges with understanding and empathy. A few of the things that rally triggered reflection for me this week were:

Reading - a piece by John Pavlovitz that I stumbled on a few weeks ago. It's called How Do You Love Toxic People? and is an except from his book If God Is Love, Don't Be A Jerk. There's a powerful idea here that we don't have to give proximity, power, and influence to people we love. In some cases, we don't even have to give them attention. Pavlovitz proposes that we can love people, and if the differences between us become too much to bare, then moving on or stepping away is actually an act of love in and of itself. 

Watching - the Apple+ series The Problem with Jon Stewart. I was turned onto this by some work my friend has been doing to pass some very cool legislation around Veterans and burn pits called the Promise to Address Comprehensive Toxics (PACT) Act. Stewart made this issue the first topic he tackled on his new talk show. In the series' eighth episode, Jon Stewart tackles the issue of racism in America and the ongoing reverberations of historical structure our country built. Humor sure has a great way of disarming us in order to expose a deeper truth. 

Listening - to a relatively new Podcast called Imposters. No matter who you talk to or what they've accomplished, almost everyone seems to suffer from imposter syndrome at some point. This pod is intended to wade through those stories of self-doubt and success with some pretty incredible people. I've only been through a few portions of a few episodes, but I find the honesty of these interviews very refreshing in a world full of Instaworthy posturing. It's a great reminder that everyday people go on to do amazing things, and all of us are everyday people. 

Weekly gig - while you may have been expecting a Sly & the Family Stone or an Arrested Development (take your "Everyday People" pick) show from this section, I'm going to bounce all the way back to the top and link to the full Ani DiFranco & Utah Phillips collaboration The Past Didn't Go Anywhere. It's not a concert, but I hope you enjoy streaming the music and stories all the same. 

Have a nontoxic week, in all the ways possible.

Partial Bolding + Recordation vs Recollection + Pay Phones + 50 Years of Exile

This week I made a trip to Austin, TX, sneaking midweek vacation in with my wife beside two mastermind sessions with Gary Keller, Jay Papasan, Jason Abrams, and a few hundred of my favorite KW associates. The most important part of that trip though, was a gun safety protest that Liz and I attended at the Texas State Capitol on Wednesday. In the aftermath of the Uvalde massacre I can’t help but fixate on how broken our society and political system are, especially around the issue of guns. Whatever your beliefs are, the facts are simple: fewer guns means fewer gun deaths. 

If you have a desire to see fewer mass shootings, suicides, accidental deaths, less crime overall, and even decreased police shootings…please take one simple action to voice your will. Here’s a link to find something that can be done, no matter where you live or what your outlook. 

This blog is usually a lot lighter, so getting back to that, here’s what else this week had me:

Thinking - A tweet I saw pointed to the benefits of bionic reading. It’s a simple typeface that bolds the first few letters of each word and improves cognition and speed while reading. I recall hearing that the brain really only uses the first few letters in a word to identify it, and this research seems to support that, especially among neurodivergent readers. If I had used it here, you'd probably already be reading about pay phones. ;-)

Watching - My kids are really into a show called Brian Child. On one episode we watched this week, the show featured an experiment highlighting the idea of cognitive offloading. The idea is simple: when we commit something to record, it has an effect on our memory. For example taking notes while reading helps improve comprehension and memory. The example the crew of Brain Science used was taking a photo of something. This cognitive offloading seems to work in reverse. When we snap a photo of a place or person or an event, our brain is conditioned to spend less energy on that memory, because there’s a record of it somewhere else. It raises a good question, next time you’re on vacation how can you take a few less photos and commit a little more to memory? 

Remembering - The days when we used pay phones are long gone, but this week the last public pay phone was removed from the streets of New York City. Check out the video here. Now where are we going to find an extra quarter when we need one? 

Weekly Gig - Earlier this month, I missed the chance to celebrate the 50th anniversary of one of rock & roll’s most epic albums  On May 12th Exile On Main Street turned 50 years old. To celebrate, here’s a show from the Stone’s 1972 Deuces Still Wild Tour. Get your rocks off! 

Happy Memorial Day weekend, y'all. 

Willie and Trigger + An 84 Year Tenure + My First Bat Mitzvah

You know those weeks where Tuesday seems like Wednesday, and Wednesday seems like it should be Friday? That’s where I was this week, though I’m not sure why. Nothing seemed to drag on. Everything moved at a good pace. I just couldn’t catch the calendar. Sometimes the days blow by so fast you miss them. Other times one day’s passing seems like it took two or three days’ time. A few things caught my attention around longevity this week. Here’s how they showed up:

Listening - Last week’s news of Naomi Judd got me wandering down the dusty trails of country music I was exposed to as a kid. The most prominent among those troubadours is Willie Nelson, so it was neat to see this InsideHook article pop up this week detailing the best of the 88 (yes…eighty-eight!) albums he’s released - just one shy of how many years he’s been on this planet! Among my favorites in his massive canon are Shotgun Willie, Red Headed Stranger, Stardust, and Half Nelson. On all of those records, and for more than 10,000 shows Willie has played a modified Martin N-20 guitar that he’s named Trigger. It’s a battered and bruised beauty that Willie still trots out for every gig. It proves that music is function over form and that new doesn't always beat old. Trigger is such an iconic instrument, it even has its own Wikipedia page. If you haven't seen it, be sure to check it out. And if you've never seen Willie play Whiskey River live, he's still on tour. In the mean time, stream a few numbers from the red headed stranger this week. 

Reading - This very short Morning Brew article about one man’s 84 year tenure working for the same company was refreshing. In a world where so many of us ponder our careers, strive to achieve massive goals, and measure our worth against our accomplishments, Walter Orthmann offers an alternative. He is 100 years old, and when asked why he’s been in the same position for so many decades, her replied “All I care about is that tomorrow will be another day in which I will wake up, get up, exercise, and go to work; you need to get busy with the present, not the past or the future.” That’s incredible! Simple, practical wisdom from a man who’s been around to see so much!

Reflecting on - I attended my first bat mitzvah this weekend. I’m 43 years old so it’s kind of surprising that it took this long. I love seeing different traditions, and being part of this one was very special. The ceremony was held for my neighbor Lorelei as she became an adult member of her synagogue’s community. As part of the ceremony Lorelei offered a lesson for the congregation. She quoted John Lewis and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, telling us that we must stand up for one another and ourselves. She drew from their speeches and teachings to remind us that believing something is not enough; belief must be enacted to make a difference. She was eloquent and thoughtful in her delivery. And she was nervous too, as most teenagers rightfully are when they deliver a big speech in a high pressure moment of their life. Watching Lorelei smile through those nerves and speak deep truth learned from inspirational leaders made me so grateful that she is part of my community, and it brought me mountains of hope for my children’s generation. 

Weekly Gig - One of the best, and longest running, music shows on television is Austin City Limits. Willie Nelson performed on the pilot back in 1976 and has been on something like two dozen times. Rather than pick a single show, here are 32 tracks from across those appearances collected in one place. 

Have a long running, connected week.

Defining a Second + Overvalued Early Picks + Remembering Naomi Judd

I have an old 1975 Ford F-100 that I love to drive. It needs a bath right now, and it can be persnickety, but it runs like a top. It's older than me and in some ways it's probably easier to get along with too. Hopefully we all improve with age. This week I got to drive it out to rural Virginia and back twice. Getting time on the road, windows down and music up in an old truck, is a pretty easy way for me to escape and find nostalgia and to reflect. Here's a bit of what this week, and those drives had me:

Thinking - This week scientists announced the new definition of a second. It doesn't really change how long a second is, but it does improve the accuracy of how a second is counted. Knowing what time it is, at least beyond the season, is a relatively new idea in human history. Measurement of time -- be it in days, hours, minutes, seconds, or nanoseconds -- allows us to do some pretty amazing things. We can coordinate school schedules, perform heart surgery, even calculate space travel. All of these are undoubtedly great abilities, and the micro-measurement of time will allow us to make amazing scientific advancements that improve our quality of life. The thing though, is that time can begin to take over our lives. And I'd argue that it's not all that important to our fundamental happiness. Heck, it may actually be counter to our happiness. When we are doing what we truly enjoy, time doesn't really factor in. Time actually evaporates in flow state. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi says that flow is the secret to happiness. It's very possible that our ancestors lived much happier, albeit less well, than we do because of their inability to track time and live in the flow. When we remove the pressure of being somewhere, or delivering something, or doing an action by a specific date and time, we can reduce stress. This isn't always possible, but it's become pretty natural for most of us to place artificial deadlines on just about everything. How much pressure could you release by removing some of that time constraint from your schedule? Could it be enough to redefine how you measure -- or at least use -- time?

Reading - Every year the National Football League puts on a huge spectacle. It's not the Super Bowl; it's the NFL Draft. And it's possible that there's more wagering going on among teams at the Draft than there is among fans around the Super Bowl. This annual event is where billions of dollars are wagered on which college football players will have the biggest impact on the NFL's 32 teams. It's fun to see who reaches for a surprise pick (which usually fails) but almost all of these selections are more hope and hype than help. History shows that teams grossly overvalue high picks and disproportionately devalue late round selections. Recently though we've seen a few teams buck this trend, trading away multiple first round picks for proven league veterans. The LA Rams did that last year, and ended up winning the Super Bowl with Matthew Stafford. This reminds me of the old parable about a pottery class: 

There was once a teacher who decided to split his month long pottery class into two groups. Group A had to make a pot every day for 30 days (30 pots in total). Group B had to work on a single pot for the whole 30 days. At the end of the month, the teacher judged the quality of the pots. Without exception, every one of the top 10 pots came from Group A, the group that made one pot per day. None came from the group that focused on perfecting their single pot. 

It's not a direct parallel, but it does show the lesson that the quality (or in the NFL's case, the certainty) is in the quantity. Raw talent is great, but it's not enough to place a massive wager on. Experience in the arena is what we should evaluate, and value the most. This is also why, as a Broncos fan, I was so pleased to see them trade for Russell Wilson instead of reaching for a QB in the first round this year. 

Remembering - The 80s and 90s were a heyday for Country music. Many would argue that they were its pinnacle. From my view, it's certainly been pretty downhill since then. (Sorry, Luke Bryan.) Throughout these two decades there were many amazing women who raised the bar of music performance: Dolly Parton, Reba McEntire, Loretta Lynn, Tanya Tucker, Shania Twain, and more. This week we lost one of those icons in Naomi Judd. She and her daughter Wynona formed The Judds in 1983 and went on to release a string of chart toppers and take home a slew of music awards. If you're unfamiliar with their work, you can find them at #6 on this list of The Top 40 Female Country Singers of All Time.  I'm also linking to their 1991 Farewell Concert below. 

Weekly Gig - As just mentioned, this week's show is from 1991 in Murfreesboro, TN. Enjoy The Judds' Farewell Concert. Farewell, Naomi. 

Happy a newly defined, appropriately valued, angelic week.

Wired for Love + Action Under Stress + Colin Kaepernick's Children's Book + Alone Together Tuesdays

It was a crazy stressful week. As the weekend wraps up, I'm grateful for the clarity that's arisen around the situations that created such stress. There's a lot of relief in knowing what is, versus wondering what will be. So much of what troubles us comes from the unknown and our expectations. Sometimes I find bits of peace in simple presence; other times I find it in distraction. Here's what I've been diving into this week to move my mind out of future-world:

Reading - How Love Changes Your Brain is a piece about neuroscientist Stephanie Ortigue’s new book, Wired for Love: A Neuroscientist’s Journey Through Romance, Loss and the Essence of Human Connection. The article walks us through the a few ways that human interconnectedness have physical impacts and cause chemical reactions in our bodies. As someone who is an only child and spent a lot of time living alone, I long discounted the need for intimate connections. Part of that distance is likely due to an introverted nature, but there's also part of that aloofness that's rooted in feeling bad about not being "naturally wired" for instant and easy connection. Dr. Ortique touched on this a bit with a brilliant comparison of loneliness to thirst. She questions why we feel guilty for being lonely, when it's simply an emotion that's telling us we crave connection. (To quote one of my favorite songwriters, Jerry Joseph: love is like water...though the song is titled Light Is Like Water, which is also a short story in a book called Strange Pilgrims by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, but I digress...) When we find someone who's thirsty, we give them a drink. Ortique suggests though that the best way to combat loneliness is not to connect the lonely with another person, but to also ask for their help. We have an innate desire to be interconnected and contribute to the well being of others. By activating this deep rooted desire, we can build up others and drive away loneliness, by showing them their importance and how they improve the world around them.

Listening - I tuned into an old Radiolab episode on stress this week. It ventured into many interesting areas, but the one that jumped out at me most was what physiologically happens to us when we are under duress. Our body shuts down its unnecessary functions and does only what required and most useful to keep us safe. When we are challenged to stay alive, we turn off our minds and just rely on instinct to perform the most critical functions of survival. Oddly though this is not what we do when challenged in other ares of our life, especially our businesses. When our businesses begin to falter, many times our minds go to amazing lengths to think of what we can do to keep it afloat; what are we not doing that we should be doing, and what are all the ways that we can do that? In real estate (and pretty much in every other business too) we should follow the model of our bodies and only do the critical things that are critical to survival. Foremost among those is to lead generate. Just like your body during fight or flight, increasing client contact and upping your prospecting activities is your business's way of raising its oxygenation, blood flow and neuro-responsiveness. Our bodies are such amazing creations and provide such clarity for how to operate. It's funny that our minds trick us into not following the physical lead.

Thinking - Colin Kaepernick recently released a children’s book titled I Color Myself Different. I haven't yet read it, but I'm excited to do so. Kaepernick has turned his exclusion from the NFL into an amazingly powerful story. When disallowed to play the game he loves, earn a living through his craft, and removed from the stage that allowed him to spread a message, he found a way to keep his voice heard. I so greatly admire his courage to stand up for what he believes in. I applaud his incredible commitment to a just cause. And I respect his ability to take a shameful blackballing by the NFL and turn it into a larger message and opportunity. So many people with physical gifts, incredible skill, and high levels of privilege or achievement stop at simply enjoying the fruits of their effort. It takes a level of awareness and responsibility to use fame and fortune to further a cause, but that's the best use of celebrity and success. It takes even more creativity and grit to continue that crusade when the platform for your message gets removed. 

Weekly Gig - Another one of my favorite songwriters is Hayes Carll. During the pandemic he did a series of streams called Alone Together Tuesdays. Here's a show from July of 2020. I hope you enjoy.

Have a connected, essential, and meaningful week. 

Is It Cake? + The Importance of Curiosity + Literalisms + A Sailor's Guide To Earth

Spring Break is winding down in DC, and our family spent the week holed up at the Wood House rather than visiting family in Massachusetts as originally planned. It was a great way to return to a slower pace, spend time together, and dig in the dirt. I hadn't been there in about two months and nature has definitely decided it's spring. The gardens are coming alive, the water level is up, and the animals are stirring. 

The down time allowed for a wide array of inspiration, including these things I've been: 

Watching - I loved game shows growing up. It seemed like they dominated TV in the 80s. Whether it was Press Your Luck, Hollywood Squares, Family Feud, Jeopardy, or any other board game transferred to the tube, I was enthralled. Then in the late 90s reality TV pushed everything else aside and took over the airwaves. I can't say I was a huge fan. Recently though there seems to be this interesting intersection of the two where a recurring cast of contestants compete against one another. Our family has fallen down the rabbit hole of one such series called Is It Cake? It's a pretty simple premise: nine pastry chefs compete to see who can fool a panel of judges by creating ultra-realistic cakes. Then the host, Mikey Day of SNL fame, pulls out a giant chef's knife, looks knowingly at the camera and asks "Is it cake?" before attempting to slice into whatever item the judges have chosen. Admittedly this show is down right silly, but if you're looking for a half hour TV nonsense, I recommend you indulge. Maybe it's the baker's artistry that's engaging. Maybe it's trying to guess which thing is actually cake. Maybe it's just the host's ability to find endless ways to deliver the show's tagline and always snag a laugh. Who knows, but I'm pretty sure you'll find it entertaining.

Reading - I just picked up Invent and Wander: The Collected Writings of Jeff Bezos. It's a collection of Bezos' letters to shareholders as well as pieces from interviews and speeches. I haven't gotten into the body of the book just yet, but the foreward by Walter Isaacson is wonderful. Isaacson has written incredible biographies on Benjamin Franklin, Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, Leonardo DaVinci and others. According to Isaacson, the things that pulls these inventors and titans of industry together is not intelligence; it's creativity and imagination. The thread that he sees between his subjects is trifecta of childlike curiosity and wonder, a blending of arts and science, and an ability to think differently. I'm. excited to see how these traits appear in Bezos' writing and speeches. I'm also very inspired to pick up a few of Isaacson's other tomes now. 

Thinking about - Zachary is currently in the throes of a playful stage I'll call "literalism for the sake of dissonance". If you're a parent you've likely been through this phase. Five minutes is exactly five minutes. A little embellishment from his sister gets responded to with an "actually...". You know where this goes. As frustrating as this can be, it's got me thinking about places we use certain words whose literal meanings may not serve us all that well. Agency is a big thing for me, so the obvious examples are saying can't when I mean won't or choose not to; using need to or have to when I really mean will or want to. Another big subconscious offender for me are is should. Should is an expectation that you've accepted from the outside world. It's an easy word to lay out there, but having full agency means taking a beat and asking yourself, "is this something that I choose to do?" What literalisms are triggers for you? Which ones slip into your lexicon and may not serve you well?

I'm trying something new this week, attempting to sync this blog post with an email blast. As a little celebration, I'm adding a new link to the post. Each week I'd like to share a YouTube concert that I recently enjoyed. 

The inaugural show is from Sturgill Simpson. It's a complete live performance from 2016 of his third studio album A Sailor's Guide to Earth.

Enjoy a musical and curious week. 

The Tao of Ted Lasso + The Power of Regret + The Soul in Guitar Solos

I've felt like I've been in a little of an intake rut for the last few weeks. Most of the reading, listening, watching, and interacting I've done has been with the same people and places I usually lean on. That consistency is key to my health and stability, but when I become overly aware of it, I try to push into a few new places. This week I tried to do that by moving into a few lighter places. Sometimes it worked exactly like I thought it would, and other times it really surprised me. It's like that famous line from Forrest Gump...

Anyway, here's a bit of what I've been: 

Watching - I haven't binged a show since Netflix delivered DVDs through the mail, but this weekend I devoured both seasons of Ted Lasso in about 36 hours. Watching TV was about all I felt like doing between long bouts of sleep as I fought off my first run in with covid. And this seemed like just the simple sitcom to get me through. I was so right, and so wrong. The show definitely got me through, but what I thought would be two dozen episodes of one level comedy turned out to be an incredibly well rounded, thoughtfully layered series; one of the best I've watched in a long time. The range of characters provides a wide array of people to identify with, each with deeply human issues, redeeming qualities, and relational challenges. Every member of the ensemble cast allows for an examination of who we are, who we might be, and what we struggle with. The writing doesn't openly ask us these questions. It doesn't probe too deep. It just lets the viewer answer the questions for characters...and for themselves. And then there are the simple life lessons of Coach Lasso. Despite fighting his own deep and difficult demons, he delivers unwavering dedication to everyone else, and to the mission of life instead of surface level sport. He keenly hones in on winning the personal battle over the game, becoming the best person possible by being the best player possible, and by shifting the focus from the results we get to the actions we take. If you haven't seen it, I highly encourage you to stream some Ted Lasso (though something tells me I might be the last person in America to watch the show). Now...can someone help me understand the weird Coach Beard episode in Season Two? 

Listening to - Earlier in the week I listened in on Liz listening to her favorite podcast, Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. It was like podcast voyeurism, but that's a whole other entry. :-) Armchair Experts is self-described as interviews with "celebrities, journalists, and academics about 'the messiness of being human'". I mean, who can deny loving the uncovering of human messiness through great conversation? This episode featured Daniel Pink. He is the author of seven books, three of which are New York Times' Best Sellers. In 2009 Pink authored Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us back in 2009 which is a favorite of mine. His latest book, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Can Move Us Forward is about the four types of regret and what they can do for us. I wrote a bit about regret a few weeks ago and so this listen was really well timed. Pink says that we experience regret in four types: foundation, boldness, moral, and connection. I can't wait to read the book and learn more, but at first glance these all seem to say one thing to me: we regret things because of the effect on us and those we love. We either don't work or save or study hard enough and it limits what we achieve and what we can pass on. We regret not taking actions to stand up for others or ourselves. We regret going against what we know is right because it tears us down and takes away from others. We regret losing touch because we know that we are fundamentally an interconnected species. So how do we live without regret? I think it's by living bravely, which is to do what's right even when it's hard. What helps you live without regret? 

Reading - For a little lighter note, I loved reading this interactive piece called Why We Can't Quit the Guitar Solo. To start it features thoughts from some of all time favorites guitarists: Vernon Reid, Joey Santiago, and J Mascis. The piece also has great visuals and a nice high level progression of how the guitar solo evolved. The point of the piece though, is that while the guitar solo may have apexed in one way -- the virtuoso note playing or scale execution -- it has no bounds for its true purpose, which is emotional expression. That's what we love about music in all its forms. It's art. It's the human expression of our deepest emotions. So whether you're more Kim Tahyil or Joan Baez, rock on. 

For a parting thought, I've had this hanging around in an open browser tab for a few weeks. I read a piece in March that surprised me. The Utah governor vetoed a transgender sports ban in March. I found this a really brave move for a Republican leader in today's hyper-divided political atmosphere where every decision is a purity test. The best part though was his rationale; he explained by saying, "I struggle to understand so much of it...[but] when in doubt however, I always try to err on the side of kindness, mercy and compassion."

May your week be deeper than you thought and filled with kindness, mercy, and compassion in your moments of confusion.

Type II Fun + Finding Your Own North Star + Remembering Taylor Hawkins + LEGO Bonus

We wrapped up the first quarter of the year last week. When it comes to increments for reflection a quarter of a year is a really nice time chunk for me. It's not as massive as a year, where so much gets sifted out. And it's greater than a single month, where the establishment of habits, or the progress toward a big goal are harder to see. As I get older it seems that each month, each quarter, each year goes by faster. I guess that's inevitable since time is a relative reflection of where we've been. The longer we've been here, the shorter the increments seem in comparison. It's a good reason to stay as present as possible. By living in the moment, you remove yourself from the passage of time ever so slightly. 

Here's what else I've been:

Thinking - as I recover from my little snowboarding slip last week, I've been reflecting on an idea called Type II fun. I love this sketchplanation of the fun scale. (By the way, I definitely snowboard in the Type I fun category, so I probably shouldn't be as sore as I am!) The term Type II fun sprung up in the outdoor adventure world a while back and it basically boils down to things that are really difficult (maybe not even fun) in the moment, but are fun in reflection. Think about running a marathon, competing in a triathlon, climbing a mountain, maybe even your morning workout. Another way to say it is that they are rewarding, rather than enjoyable. The idea correlates pretty well with one that I use a lot at work: the urgent / important matrix, sometimes known as the Eisenhower Matrix. Type II fun is that upper right quadrant of important and not urgent. It is critical for our growth and personal success. It's the stuff that would be important but not urgent at the office. Type I fun is great; it's needed. It's the stuff that makes us smile and laugh. It puts out the fire, but Type II fun is the stuff that makes us glow. 

Reading - A friend recently recommended that I pick up something by Martha Beck, so I perused her catalog and chose Finding Your Own North Star. The premise is that each of us have two selves. The first is our essential self; it's who we are deep down, our best, most focused, flowing, centered, joyful self. The second is our social self; it's who we become because of outside forces in our environment, whether we want to or not. This idea isn't a new one, and social pressures are something that we all take on whether we intend to or not. Beck calls this social force the Everybodies. They're the groups of people that we select to represent the larger segments of society that are important to us. In reality they are not a true representation of the general public; they're usually not even a true representation of our environmental influencers. Because of that disproportionate imbalance, we put too much weight on these social opinions of who we are -- and who we are told we should be. Beck also talks about an Everybody that nourishes our essential self. These are the people that support who we are at our core and who encourage who we want to be in our heart of hearts. When we can find that Everybody, they influence our social self to align with our essential self. And that's when and where we become our best self. 

Remembering - Taylor Hawkins, drummer for the Foo Fighters, died on March 25th. Honestly I was a little too stunned to write about it last week. I needed to listen to all of those anthems before I could reflect on the shocking loss. Hawkins was a true rock star. He went all out, studied his craft, honed his chops, honored his idols, loved his fans, adored his family, battled his demons, corrected his course, and played incredibly versatile, kick ass drums. He had one of the biggest challenges in all of rock music history: he took the drummer's kit in a band behind Generation X's most famous drummer, Dave Grohl. To be clear, he didn't replace Grohl in Nirvana. He created something entirely different as Hawkins and Grohl build the Foo Fighters into the most Grammy winning American band of all time. Here's a little 60 Minutes clip on the two best friends. It's probably been 15 years since I saw the Foos, and it's an experience I'll never forget. I was lucky enough to slip into a show they played at the 930 Club in the mid aughts. Putting a stadium band into a box that's built for 1,200 people is just insane, and a massive part of that sonic insanity was Taylor Hawkins. I'm so fortunate to have experienced that, and the world is so lucky to have the Foo's music to remember Taylor.

Appreciating - Some things are just better said with blocks than with words. 10 Life Changing Ideas Visualized out of LEGO.

Have a rocking, well stacked, essential week. 

Running Across Mexico + Charisma and Character + March Madness

A late season trip to Vermont for some skiing provided a great end to the week. We were really fortunate and got three mornings of fresh snow and just as many breakfasts with hot, fresh donuts in the lodge. I love watching my kids build their skills, and constantly admire my wife's incredible grace gliding down the mountain. For me, getting back on a board is always a humbling (yet fun) experience. As a late life learner each ski trip we take allows me to rediscover that "learning is fun, don't get frustrated" mindset. Enjoy the journey, right? 

Here's what else I've been...

Talking about - Energy and fatigue. A friend and I swapped stories of recent burnout and recovery. Nothing serious, but it got us thinking. Neither of us are runners but we stumbled on an interesting analogy between running styles and energy use, be it mental, physical, or emotional. It seems that some people are sprinters; they burn hot, run fast, and pour everything they have into the immediate problem at hand with an unyielding solitary focus. The results are amazing short term results and long recovery periods. Others are joggers; they move through things with a steady pace, constantly progressing, stretching at stoplights. Then there are the marathoners; they train to keep a good pace and tackle large problems by breaking them into chunks. I'm working to be the marathoner. Specifically the example that Germán Silva just set. Check out his incredible story of running across Mexico. 

Reading - More than once this week, our leadership team revisited our company values. We're curious if they're the same as when we founded Fulcrum? Are they well defined and understood? Which ones are required and which are preferred for our team members? It's a great conversation. Values showed up in two other places for me this week. The first is a book I’ve added to my soon-to-read list: Character Strengths and Virtues: A Handbook and Classification by Christopher Peterson and Martin Seligman. Seligman is a leader in the positive psychology field and has done some amazing work on Authentic Happiness. The second was in a Facebook post by Gary Keller. To quote: “Charisma attracts and Character retains. Too many entrepreneurs have a lot of charisma and too little character. Their charisma will eventually betray them. Character means you walk your talk. It’s the same as integrity. Character is who you are. Integrity is living that out. Charisma is the talk. Character is the walk.” Man, I love this idea. 

Watching - For the last three nights my family has huddled and cuddled to watch the Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight rounds of March Madness. We will likely do the same tonight. I love seeing the huge hearts of the players and the high stakes of single elimination play. The stories of top seeds falling and Cinderellas advancing are so much fun to watch. St. Peter's historic run into the Elite Eight has been the story of the tournament thus far. I thought this take on the financial implications of their success was interesting. Stripping away all of the outside factors, I love watching March Madness for two things: (1) will that last minute shot go in and create chaos, and (2) can a team hold the lead and hit the pressure free throws to cement the win. Free throws are that perfect place where pressure and practice connect to see what we're made of.

Here's to a poised, energetic posture as you walk your talk this week. 

Daylight Savings or Stealing + Can Work Be Play + Sir Ernest Shackleton

This last week I assembled a last minute March Madness fundraiser for the Fulcrum Foundation. It's been blast to connect with people around the event, see a great outpouring of support, and watch the carefully built brackets crumble. Is there anything in sports that tops the chaos of the college basketball tournament? 

I also spent a few days adjusting to the new sunshine schedule, taking darker walks with the dog and putting reigning the kids in from the garden a little later than usual. There were also some really cool discoveries and a ton of wisdom pearls in my podcast diet. Here's what I've been:

Reading - Daylight saving time is usually an issue on two days a year - spring forward and fall back. This year it’s taken up oxygen for a week and has even inspired some amazing consensus in Congress (albeit wrongheaded IMO). Last week the Senate the Sunshine Protection Act - a bill to make daylight savings time permanent. I’m all for keeping our clocks consistent, as are the vast majority of scientific studies, but I’d argue that Standard Time is the way to go. I mean…we’ve already gone all in of Daylight Savings Time twice and hated it. Isn’t this just the definition of insanity? As a morning person with kids, I definitely care more about getting AM sun as soon as possible and prefer putting my kids to bed in the dark. Both make life way easier. For the part of my life that I lived as a night owl, I can’t say I recall caring when the sun set each day or if it had been up for two minutes or two hours when I woke. There are arguments for and against. I’m curious, what do you think?

Listening to - I listened to a great podcast with Angela Duckworth this week. She the author of GRIT - the Power of Passion and Perseverance and the founder & CEO of Character Lab. There were so many nuggets of gold in the conversation, but one in particular has been rolling around in my noggin. Duckworth paraphrases game designer Jane McGonigal by saying “play[ing a game] is the voluntary overcoming of unnecessary obstacles.” Duckworth then goes on to offer that maybe work is the feeling we get when involuntarily overcoming of necessary obstacles. It made me wonder: once our basic needs of food and shelter are met, shouldn’t we all be playing instead of working? Is there a space we can find (or create) where every challenge we overcome is chosen? To take it a step further, maybe the shift is a mental one - by choosing how we overcome our obstacles - even when we can’t choose the obstacles - can we make work feel like play? Wouldn’t that be the magic that helps us find happiness on the way to fulfillment?

Remembering - My first work mentor was a woman named Debbie. She taught me about the power of networks and showed me how to seed an idea. She also introduced me to my second mentor, Ken. Ken taught me about inspiration and optimism in the face of big challenges. He exposed me to using models of thinking and organizing, especially in the areas of team, to get massive collective achievement. One of his biggest inspirations was Sir Ernest Shackleton. The story of Endurance and Shackleton's Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition are an amazing tale of teamwork, commitment, and survival. If you've never read Endurance by Alfred Lansing, I'd highly recommend it. You can check out a very cool video and story of Endurance's discovery here. 

I hope everyone is well rested and fully adjusted this week. Here's to a sprint of fun, play, teamwork, and endurance. 

Radical Candor + Overcoming What Can Kill You + Rethinking Recreation

The last few days have been hinting at Spring here in DC, and there's a noticeable increase in energy and engagement that seems to come along with the rising temperatures. I hope you've enjoyed the first full week of March as much as I have. Other than the changing seasons, the following things have been rattling around for me of late. 

I've been:

Reading - for Christmas of 2020 Liz and I got my daughter a Kindle. She's a huge bookworm and we thought this might be a way to feed her hunger for books while limiting our library trips and keeping our bookshelves from overflowing. We were wrong; she hated it! Luckily, I happened to pick up the Kindle last week and I'm really enjoying it. It's light and a great way to read in bed when others are asleep. The first book that popped out at me was Radical Candor by Kim Scott. It reminds me a lot of Unleashed: The Unapologetic Leader's Guide to Empowering Everyone Around You by Francis Frei & Anne Morriss, which is a guiding book for our team at Fulcrum this year. Both books use a quadrant system to approach how we connect and communicate with other people. In her book, Scott uses the axes of "Care Personally" and "Challenge Directly" to establish a style of Radical Candor as the desired intersection of both measures. Frei and Morriss use the axes of Standards and Devotion to establish a "Justice" quadrant at their preferred quadrant. While Unleashed dives into leadership beyond just communication, the pith of both books is that people want you to bring your honest self and your honest feedback to them. In our Keller Williams culture, we call this "care" and "candor". People don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. 

Watching - Speaking of my daughter, Emma, it's been a tough week for her Oral Immunotherapy Treatment. Some of you may know that she has a life threatening allergy to peanuts, and she's been microdosing for over a year to establish a tolerance that will ultimately protect her from accidental ingestion. Over the last month she's made incredible strides toward becoming "bite safe" in her exposure. While we stumbled a bit on that journey this week, the thing that really struck me is how intent and resilient she is. Watching her hold firm in this walk over the last year (plus) has been a challenge for me. I can only imagine what she's endured by summoning the courage to eat something that could theoretically kill her...on a daily basis. They say that having children decreases happiness but increases fulfillment. I don't know about that, but I'm positive that having my kids allows me to put challenges in perspective and to find inspiration that keeps me moving. Watching what they overcome is the ultimate fuel. 

Thinking - The word recreation jumped out at me a few times this week. I've been very purposeful over the last two years on building a better priority and counterbalance in my work-life integration, and finding fun has been a big part of that. Almost all of the fun has been in the traditional sense of recreation - it's outside of work. Seeing the word this week hit me differently though. For some reason my brain broke it down into "re-creation". It got me thinking about how I could rebuild parts of my life and business that aren't working optimally by making them more fun. American culture has an understanding that work is supposed to be hard; for too many it's just a card punching slog. The people that are the best at what they do typically enjoy what they do more than their peers. So I'm asking myself "how can we make doing what we do more fun, so that by enjoying what we do, we do it better?" Does recreation really have to happen only outside of work? 

I hope you have a fun, inspired week. Live it in your top-right quadrant. 

The Freedom of Journaling + Weird Happiness + Purposeful Connection

I love a good vacation. It hasn't always been that way, especially with my long standing disposition for grinding it out in my work rhythms. Over the last few years though, I've really come to appreciate what the reset and perspective change that a week or two away can offer. This last week I got my "working" vacation at FR22 and my "true" family vacation in Puerto Rico. Both gave me lots of great input. In those days, here's what I was:

Reading - Journaling has been a hit and miss practice throughout my life. I write for a while then my consistency peters out. Part of what's held me from consistency has been the nagging question of "when am I actually going to read or use this stuff?" Once in a blue moon I'll pick up an old journal and flip through it, asking myself why I ever got so wound up about such trivial or finite things and the purpose of logging thoughts and emotions. This week I read a piece called Notes Apps Are Where Ideas Go to Die and I had a radical mind shift. Journaling doesn't have to be done so that you can reread your epiphanies later. It doesn't need to be a collection of your amazing insights and ideas. It can simply be a way to take the mental mess in your brain and release it by putting pen to paper. Kinda freeing... 

Watching - The keynote address of Family Reunion 2022 was delivered by Shawn Achor. If you missed it, here's an abbreviated version from his 2015 Ted Talk (which is part stand up comedy, part positive psychology) and a longer piece from 2017. I love the main premise that success doesn't equal happiness (in fact using success as a metric almost guarantees unhappiness), but happiness is what fuels success. What I love even more is the focus on statistical outliers. By focusing on the "weirds" -- the outliers who are above the trend lines -- we can learn about yielding incredible results by focusing on actions that choose happiness. By seeking out and surrounding ourselves with these "weirds" we can create a community that lives an average that's of stratospheric proportion. That's the social cohesion we want, and social cohesion is what predicts happiness. 

Thinking - Connections are easy to make but take work to maintain. Chance encounters can be sparks of joy or can spark a fire. This week I was lucky enough to see dozens of people that I've missed for months or years. I met new people that I've meant to meet for even longer. A few of these reconnections could lead to life changing partnerships. If I choose to appreciate the encounters and know that I'll see these people again, we will certainly build deeper bonds. I love that natural progression. I can also choose to reach out to a choice few and lean into faster and deeper connections, creating purposeful progression. Connections inspire me, but true inspiration leads to action, and valuable actions lead to true reward. 

Have a free, connected, happy week. 

Theory of Creativity + Art of Learning + Let Go to Scale

This week I joined 11,000 friends and colleagues in Orlando for Family Reunion 2022. It was the first large in-person work event I've been to in almost two years, and the energy was palpable. Reunion is also one of my favorite places to pick up new ideas, rekindle old friendships, and keep the motivational tank full. I hope you find these few takeaways helpful. 

Watching - Duncan J. Wardle is the former Head of Innovation and Creativity at Disney. He gave the keynote at a CEO Mastermind that I attended on Friday. The address started with a story that underscored how we go from expansive thinking to reductive thinking throughout our lives. We don't start out creative and lose our imagination as we age; instead the people around us tell us we aren't creative as we grow up. As we move into school, jobs, management, parenting, pretty much all parts of adulthood we start hearing and saying "no, because..." to ideas. Instead we should say "yes, and..." during our brainstorming sessions. When coming up with possibilities we aren't making decisions, but setting the stage for options. We should work from the place of most opportunity, not the least. It's easy to take a big idea and make it smaller; it's really hard to take a small idea and make it bigger. There were a ton of other wonderful ideas and stories in Duncan's keynote. I'd encourage you to check out a shortened version of his Theory of Creativity talk from 2018.

Reading - The Art of Learning is a book by Joshua Waitzkin that I've been loving. Waitzkin was a child chess prodigy who became an eight time National Chess Champion and was the subject of the book and movie Searching for Bobby Fischer. He spent the first 18 years of his life building a mastery of chess that's very near unrivaled before the pressure of fame burned him out on the sport. He then discovered Tai Chi Chuan Push Hands and became a 21 time National Champion in the meditative and martial art form. Throughout the book Waitzkin spins fabulous tales awhile also unpacking the understanding of his successful study. He reminds us that true mastery of any skill comes from mastering ones own mind as well as breaking down the skill into its fundamental pieces. To achieve excellence we must learn the basics, be specific on what we build, and go tremendously deep before we go even slightly broad. 

Listening - Every time I hear from or speak with Gary Keller I add to the mountain of wisdom he's given me. On Friday we started with a simple exercise: everyone held their phones at arm's length for about a minute. It wasn't long and the exercise wasn't hard, but the point was clear: the more you hold onto to things, the more it hurts, no matter how small they are. The only way to scale your life is to let go. So that begs the question, how do we let go and still get the results we want? The first thing to do is learn how to scale and which levers to use. Time is our worst lever because it demands the most energy and leads to burn out. To let go and achieve more, we must invest in people who share our standards. By combining forces we don't just get additional productivity, we can make an exponential impact. The key is to find the right people, set the right standards, and take the right actions that yield the right outcomes. Who are you leveraging to help you get the life you want? 

Have an inspired, flowing, collaborative week.

Live Like You're Not Dying + Embracing Regret + Improving On the Best

This week I've found inspiration in those both very near to and very far from me. It's been pretty cool to see how everyday life and once in a lifetime opportunities can resonate and teach. I hope you enjoy these reflections.

Talking - Over the last two years I've been moving from acquaintanceship to friendship with one of my neighbors. This weekend our families got away together, and he and I chatted for a while on Saturday. He carries a pretty heavy burden each day due to a lifelong illness. This disease has resulted in three organ transplants, the first when he was seventeen. He's married with two young kids, and has a very full life, but the prognosis isn't great. It's not clear how much longer he'll live, because the illness is unpredictable, and the data isn't reliable as the science around lifespan changes. Maybe he's got a year, maybe ten, but it's clear that his timeline is probably way shorter than most people our age. I asked him how that sat with him: was it motivational, depressing, or something else all together? Was it consistent or did it change regularly? He said it was a mix of all, but it didn't make him subscribe to the traditional "live every day like it's your last" philosophy. This really surprised me...until he explained that what he really wants is just to savor each moment, to be the most present he can. He's not out to "live life at 11" which is how so many people think about squeezing every drop out of every day. It also made me think of something I read this week which hit me with a ton of clarity - the extraordinary life is in the ordinary life. The extraordinary part is about appreciating, living the moments to their truest, not their maximum.

Thinking - I've been thinking a lot about regret for the last few weeks. Regret is something that I've dismissed en masse for most of my life. The rationale was pretty simple. Somewhere in my twenties, I came to the conclusion that I shouldn't regret anything that happened, because whatever I could regret actually brought me to where I am...and I am really happy with this place in life. I essentially applied the sliding doors approach: if I had done something differently, then I'd be somewhere else, and I don't want that. Recently though I've realized that regret is just an emotion, and it's here for instruction. Having regrets doesn't mean that you have to undo the actions that brought you to where you are. It's there to provide instruction so you do things differently in the future. Regret is about how you impact others, and how that makes you feel. Regret is a guide to being a better person. With some close listening and better perspective, perhaps past regrets can lead to a future of no regrets.

Watching - Most nights this week I've sat with the kids and watched a little of the Winter Olympics before we moved into their bedtime routines. The Olympics are great because of the unique storylines and the alternative sporting events. I love seeing things on TV that we don't get to watch all the time. This year, the Men's Halfpipe has been my favorite story. Watching Shaun White compete in his fifth and final Olympics was special. He's a true legend and game changer. But seeing Ayumu Hirano win gold in the fashion that he did was even better. Hirano was seemingly flawless on his second run, landing a series of incredible tricks including a triple cork (three full flips performed on axis) which is something that no other rider even attempts. That ride was immediately hailed by TV commentators and the public as "the best run on a halfpipe, ever". But the judges disagreed. In fact they didn't even think it was the best run of the day. They scored Hirano second. He could have been angry, or disappointed, or outraged -- heck, maybe he was, but he didn't show it. He could have quit, or been rattled to the point where he fell on his third and final run of the day. He didn't do that either. With incredible poise and fortitude, Hirano dropped in and performed even better on his last run. He landed the same five tricks, just with bigger air, tighter rotations, and smoother landings. And he gave the judges no choice but to hand him the gold. It was flat out awesome! If you haven't seen it, go watch it.

Have poise this week. Go big and don't get rattled. Here's to your unrelenting commitment.

What's True + Failing Is Success + What's Hard is Relative

The theme for me this week has been "what's true"? A lot of what we experience in our day to day is very different from what those around us experience, and in many cases how we experience the world can be really different from what we experience in the world. For example:

Reading - I'm currently rereading Robert Wright's Why Buddhism Is True. The premise is pretty simple, and the implications are profound. In short, our feelings lie to us -- or at least they can in the context of modern times. Natural selection tries to drive everything we do, even if it’s counter to what we want to do, and that's what causes most of our suffering. The way this plays out is that our feelings tell us to do something, but because the world has changed so much in the history of our species, it's almost like our feelings are lying to us in these current times. He uses road rage as an example. For most of human history it would be in a person's best interest to punish someone who they felt disrespected by; that punishment of another would increase the tribal standing of a person and make them more likely to elevate in society or pass along their genes. In today's world though, road rage (acting out this revenge) gets us no end. The challenge then is to learn how to get what our conscious mind pines for - the goals that we set for ourselves - by creating the space to act in accordance with our thoughts and not just our feelings or instincts. Buddhism’s method for this is mindfulness, which is why Wright is claiming the truth of it. But if mindfulness meditation isn’t your thing there are many other ways in everyday life to act in line with your goals. Pause for a beat, count to ten, take a few deep breaths, say a prayer, or just center yourself. Even in today's fast paced world, acting a little slower, with space between your feelings and actions, you'll still have enough time to create the outcomes you want. And heck, it might even contribute to the continuation of your species' long term existence.

Thinking - January is a month where a ton of people set out to build new habits, break old ones, and become a better version of themselves. The thing is, almost 2/3 of people abandon their resolutions in less than 30 days, a new study shows. I wonder why that is. My best guess is that when we make one mistake, miss one day, or slip one time, we quit. The thing is, most success doesn't come without failure, and as long as we learn something and get up to try again, every failure is a success. Change is rarely like a light switch. It’s almost always like a slider. You move gradually to being fully “on” from “off”. Keeping the perspective on what we have done, versus what we failed to do can be all the difference. Did you set out for a dry January and "only" make 15 days? That's a two week success. Did you complete a Whole 23 instead of a Whole 30? Guess what, you're 70% of the way there. Take pride in what you achieved. And don't wait until next January to try again. No one says you can't have a dry February? (February is three days shorter too!)

Listening - My Audible stream right now is tuned to The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz. It's an interesting listen and I'm taking both solace and inspiration from it. Horowitz was pretty close to the top of Netscape and helped Marc Andresseen turn that business into a catalyst for what today's internet is born of. He went on to found other tech start ups, and while the book starts out as a greatest hits it moves smoothly into the challenges he faced in the deepest and darkest days of running some organizations. He talks about what it's like to see the economy shift under you as a new business is built on a now-empty assumption, How heavy it is to be responsible for 400 employees and their families' well-being when you only have three weeks of payroll in the bank. He writes about the "no right answers" quandary of sticking out a company saving fundraising trip while he learns mid-journey that his wife is hospitalized with an allergic reaction. His thesis is that while some problems have plans and strategies to help you overcome them, there are just some hard things that can't be solved with a model. You have to assess the situation, make a decision, move forward, and hope you did the right thing. Then you keep checking in and course correct. That's not to say that any problem should be tackled without referencing what's worked for others; it's actually the opposite. Most crises and conundrums we face in life can be solved by looking to those who have come before us, but sometimes we need to look not to how they navigated the turbulent waters, but just to take inspiration from their forward motion in the face of uncertainty.

Let's all have a well-paced, see-the-win, forward-moving week.

Ancient Wisdom + Communication Styles + Thich Nhat Hanh

I've been aiming to build a habit of weekly sharing with this team for some time now. Consider this email my inaugural foray into a new habit. The idea is just to plant a few seeds that I've picked up this past week, in hopes that they can bloom into some deeper conversations. It's not intended to be "work" related at all.

As I build momentum, I'll be very open and acknowledge that I'm going to need your help. Feedback and accountability will be required to keep this up. My ask of you is simple: share your thoughts (with me or the team) if anything resonates with you in any given week's email.
The aim is to share three things that hit home in my week's wanderings through reading, listening, watching, talking, thinking, or reflecting on current events. I'm not sure how or where this will evolve, but I promise that it will be honest...and sometimes a bit long...but here we go:

Reading - Charlie "Tremendous" Jones says that “you will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I think that's oversimplifying it a little, but it does a good job underscoring the importance of books. I wasn't a big reader coming out of school as so much of what I took in was dictated by curriculum. Since I've learned that I now get to choose what I intake, reading has become a much bigger piece of my life. My first read of this year is 2022 is Robin Waterfield's Meditations: The Annotated Edition. Meditations is essentially a number of private journals kept by Rome's 16th Emperor, Marcus Aurelius. It's been on my list for a while and I find it incredibly interesting to see what drove Marcus to approach his seat as he did. In a long line of very powerful rulers, Marcus chose the path of responsibility when and where others took the path of great privilege. As stoicism has a bit of a modern revival today (Ryan Holliday's books draw a lot from Stoicism) it's helpful to dive into one of the earliest studies by a Stoic practitioner.

Thinking - I have a tendency toward defensiveness and it's something I actively work to reduce. Though I put a ton of effort into being open, and I fancy myself a person who can see things from lots of different angles, my communication style can sometimes end up being less palatable than I'd like. A friend reminded me of something this week that's been very helpful. It's a categorization of communication into three styles: non-assertive, assertive, and aggressive.

• Non-assertive communication ignores one's own rights and allows for others to take advantage of someone; it leads to resentment, the feeling of being used, and accumulated anger.
• Assertive communication is emotionally honest and direct; it uses "I" statements and creates confidence and self-respect; it ensures that needs are met and that relationships are freer and clear.
• Aggressive communication is filled with "you" statements that express or defend one's own rights at the expense of others; while emotionally expressive, it's done to self-aggrandize and diminish others. Aggressive communication many times comes from saving up resentment that's been accumulated because of non-assertive communication, then lashing out in anger.

It can be hard to say "no" when people ask for things, but the truth is pretty simple. Everyone has the right to ask for anything they way; we then have the right to simply say "yes" or "no". The responsible way to do this is to listen to what we have to give, and be true to that in the most kind but honest (assertive) way possible.

Reflecting - this week the world lost Thich Nhat Hanh. He was an amazing activist, thinker, writer, and doer. I was introduced to his work by a friend named Djenno Bacvic about 10 years ago. He was hugely influential in bringing the ideas of mindfulness to the West through some of his actions, speeches, and musings like The Miracle of Mindfulness, Peace Is Every Step, and You Are Here. Independent of any religious stance (he even wrote a book called Living Buddha, Living Christ) Hanh's approach of seeing every moment as a miracle is inspiring. He personifies the idea that what is simple is not easy, even though in many ways he made the practice look effortless. He reminds us that there is beauty in suffering, not because suffering is beautiful, but because of what it ultimately brings us. The world is a much, much better place because he shared his view.

I hope you all have a timeless, assertive, miracle of a week.