Ancient Wisdom + Communication Styles + Thich Nhat Hanh

I've been aiming to build a habit of weekly sharing with this team for some time now. Consider this email my inaugural foray into a new habit. The idea is just to plant a few seeds that I've picked up this past week, in hopes that they can bloom into some deeper conversations. It's not intended to be "work" related at all.

As I build momentum, I'll be very open and acknowledge that I'm going to need your help. Feedback and accountability will be required to keep this up. My ask of you is simple: share your thoughts (with me or the team) if anything resonates with you in any given week's email.
The aim is to share three things that hit home in my week's wanderings through reading, listening, watching, talking, thinking, or reflecting on current events. I'm not sure how or where this will evolve, but I promise that it will be honest...and sometimes a bit long...but here we go:

Reading - Charlie "Tremendous" Jones says that “you will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I think that's oversimplifying it a little, but it does a good job underscoring the importance of books. I wasn't a big reader coming out of school as so much of what I took in was dictated by curriculum. Since I've learned that I now get to choose what I intake, reading has become a much bigger piece of my life. My first read of this year is 2022 is Robin Waterfield's Meditations: The Annotated Edition. Meditations is essentially a number of private journals kept by Rome's 16th Emperor, Marcus Aurelius. It's been on my list for a while and I find it incredibly interesting to see what drove Marcus to approach his seat as he did. In a long line of very powerful rulers, Marcus chose the path of responsibility when and where others took the path of great privilege. As stoicism has a bit of a modern revival today (Ryan Holliday's books draw a lot from Stoicism) it's helpful to dive into one of the earliest studies by a Stoic practitioner.

Thinking - I have a tendency toward defensiveness and it's something I actively work to reduce. Though I put a ton of effort into being open, and I fancy myself a person who can see things from lots of different angles, my communication style can sometimes end up being less palatable than I'd like. A friend reminded me of something this week that's been very helpful. It's a categorization of communication into three styles: non-assertive, assertive, and aggressive.

• Non-assertive communication ignores one's own rights and allows for others to take advantage of someone; it leads to resentment, the feeling of being used, and accumulated anger.
• Assertive communication is emotionally honest and direct; it uses "I" statements and creates confidence and self-respect; it ensures that needs are met and that relationships are freer and clear.
• Aggressive communication is filled with "you" statements that express or defend one's own rights at the expense of others; while emotionally expressive, it's done to self-aggrandize and diminish others. Aggressive communication many times comes from saving up resentment that's been accumulated because of non-assertive communication, then lashing out in anger.

It can be hard to say "no" when people ask for things, but the truth is pretty simple. Everyone has the right to ask for anything they way; we then have the right to simply say "yes" or "no". The responsible way to do this is to listen to what we have to give, and be true to that in the most kind but honest (assertive) way possible.

Reflecting - this week the world lost Thich Nhat Hanh. He was an amazing activist, thinker, writer, and doer. I was introduced to his work by a friend named Djenno Bacvic about 10 years ago. He was hugely influential in bringing the ideas of mindfulness to the West through some of his actions, speeches, and musings like The Miracle of Mindfulness, Peace Is Every Step, and You Are Here. Independent of any religious stance (he even wrote a book called Living Buddha, Living Christ) Hanh's approach of seeing every moment as a miracle is inspiring. He personifies the idea that what is simple is not easy, even though in many ways he made the practice look effortless. He reminds us that there is beauty in suffering, not because suffering is beautiful, but because of what it ultimately brings us. The world is a much, much better place because he shared his view.

I hope you all have a timeless, assertive, miracle of a week.